Direct Deposit

I always say I don't want anything for any occasion...and I mean it. I don't need anything either. I really don't mean to be such a downer about all this, but I suppose I've only gotten worse about gift giving over time. I'm not improving.

So here's my suggestion for birthday and Christmas gifts: direct deposit. I would be perfectly happy to receive a direct deposit slip for Christmas.

Spare me the pain and agony of having to open yet another Chinese made piece of shit. Spare me the trauma of trying in vain to get the gift to work, to fit together, or to try to make it last. Just buy the gift and directly deposit it into the landfill, cutting me out of it. It would be going there soon enough, anyway. All I need is the receipt.

• The Chinese laborer will still be employed.
• The Merikan consumptive economy will still be enabled.
• You will feel good about gift giving.
• I will feel good about having not had to expend energy on immediately throwing it away.
• I can then purchase 'green' energy from the landfill methane generation plant...and feel like I'm saving the world.

For anyone wondering what would make a perfect gift for the Franklin Monologues.