Unicycle

I reported here how much the new, unlikely RT light rail extension to Elk Grove is going to cost. I say unlikely, because RT fails to respond to any of my e-mails and provides absolutely no revised information on the RT website. This project is as good as dead, in my opinion.

Today their lack of communication might be a function of these "tough economic times," but they've failed to communicate this project's status now for over two full years. Two years ago all things were bright and beautiful, no? OK, maybe two wars were going on...but who in Elk Grove gave a damn about them? No one. Which credit card to use to finance that new Blackberry was foremost on their minds.

Without any hope for light rail to the outlying southern hinterlands, and with no respectable jobs in said outlying southern hinterlands, Elk Grovians will be forced into their vehicles for at least the next two decades. I use 'forced' lightly, only because they all knew when they moved in that public transportation wasn't a viable option and besides, what better way to express your individuality than through private vehicle ownership? If you're frugal, a Ford sedan. If you're a pretentious prick, a BMW. Gay, a Subaru Tribeca. An alpha male jerkoff, a Chevy Blazer. On a public bus, however, you're just another fucking chump.

If and when this fabled Phase II extension from the Meadowview station to Cosumnes college is ever built (at the low cost of only one thousand dollars per inch), I will have a light rail station 2.06 miles from my door...the Franklin Station!

2.06 miles is a long-ass way to be hoofing it, however. I would do it once or twice, just to say I've done it. For 99.996% of our population, walking is out of the question. Walk 2 miles? Ha! You can't even get overweight Elk Grovians to walk two hundred feet between their cars and the entrance to Target. Walking is out of the question.

But biking two miles is almost as pointless, as I'd have the pleasure of manhandling my bike four times on and off the two trains to get to work. So I was thinking...unicycle.

I mentioned this idea to more than a few people recently. On paper is sounds plausible. But nearly everyone told me that I'd be debasing myself, as only miscreants, chowderheads, dolts and meatheads ride them. Is this accurate?

Everything I've ever seen and known about unicyclists support this statement. They are only ever associated with ballons, clowns, juggling balls and costume. I could see myself as the only Elk Grovian who commutes (in part) by unicycle, as someone who rides one on a utilitarian basis. To get to work.

Imagine riding one to get to work! That alone would have me blogging for several years...up and down Franklin Blvd., four miles a day on one wheel. Today my bike and my observations fuel this blog; imagine what one wheel might add!

I have a picture of me on my cousin's unicycle here on my street corner, holding onto my street lightpost. It is as hard as it looks. It's gonna take me forever to ride one of these damn things.