Thirty Percent Tomorrow

I simply cannot believe that auto sales are down, in some cases by thirty percent. If you ply the Elk Grovian roadways you would certainly come to the same conclusion.

There are as many cars as ever. Driving home at 1:30 PM on Christmas Eve, one of the few days I've driven to work this year, was a total fiasco. A holiday afternoon in the midst of a "deep recession," and there were four hundred thousand other cars I had to fight with to get home.

I refuse to believe there is any marked reduction in oil demand, at least within the "personal transportation" sector. All my Elk Grovian neighbors haven't backed off one bit from their regular perpetual motoring lifestyles. Elk Grove prides itself on having no economy of its own, prides itself on being one of the most energy inefficient cities, and prides itself that it hasn't had to cut many jobs during this economic downturn...because it didn't have any to begin with. Driving to other communities where there are jobs is mandated by law, as is their consumption of oil.

All these cretins will need new vehicles someday. Once they dig themselves out of their current vehicular financing holes they will just dig themselves into newer deeper ones because they can't afford to pay for them outright. Perpetual vehicular motoring comes with perpetual motor vehicular financing.

That they are buying 30% fewer today only means that they will be buying 30% more tomorrow. This is an undeniable truth. Suburban Elk Grovian housewives will never never! be denigrated to have to drive a three year old vehicle, god forbid. They will demand of their working spouses that they receive a new family vehicle every few years because:

• We need a new vehicle to keep our children safe. Newer vehicles are safer than those deathtraps built back in 2006. Wouldn't want us to die in a fiery crash, would you?
• New cars don't break down. Wouldn't want me and our kids stranded on Highway 99, would you?
• New cars come with standard navigation systems. Wouldn't want me and our kids lost off Highway 99, would you?
• New cars have backseat DVDs. Wouldn't want our kids to have to look out the windows at our shitty neighborhoods, would you?
• A new car will make me feel superior to Marta next door. Wouldn't want me to feel inferior to a Mexican immigrant, would you?