Saving Bryan's Privates

I made mention of the hundreds of thousands of dollars bicycle riding will cost you, if you choose to commute by bicycle along Franklin Blvd. like I do 3-4 times a week. Yep, the inevitable car-v-bike accident will occur, and if you're lucky you won't become dead, but will only have to suffer through a series of painful surgeries to pin your bones back together.

In my case, the sum of all the gasoline I have saved and will have saved, along with all the gasoline my evil twin in our parallel universe has saved will all get fuckered away next Wednesday, when I go under the knife to manage the hydrocele that, (I'm speculating here), was caused by bicycle riding.

I dare you, dear reader, I dare you, to travel away from this monologue and google-image hydrocele. It will leave you with a weak and uneasy feeling...

Yep, the cost of bicycling is presenting itself rather starkly here. I suppose I could attach a before-and-after set of photos, yes? No?

Now, this issue may have presented itself regardless; if all I did was ride the bus this still might have developed, but hey, I need something to demonstrate how commuting by bicycle is among the most fiscally irresponsible behaviors one can engage in. Indeed, let me assume this surgery will cost $14,600 to perform, shouldered by my medical insurance company and ultimately shouldered by you, the electricity ratepayer. If I had driven to work instead, in my little Honda car using a gallon each day, I could commute 7 days a week for ten straight years at $4.00 gas for what this one surgery will cost.

How's that for trying to save the world by not driving my car, eh? No, instead of saving the world by bicycling I have to spend energy trying to save Bryan's privates.