The Bully Of The Block

Never seen such backed up traffic on S Street than this afternoon. As I left the SMUD parking lot on bicycle I could see the stacked up traffic halfway between 65th street and 59th. This is where I really enjoy bicycling, knowing that I get to avoid all that, compared to being a solo occupant vehicular commuter.

I have no patience as a vehicular commuter. I have no idea why, but that's what it is. I have to assume that everyone else can manage their 35 yearly hours stuck in Sacramento traffic better than I, because I know I can't. I get frustrated easily. I get pissed off. I can't handle people who don't signal. But people who don't signal outnumber those who do signal.

I now realize that, and consequently I'm a much more sober driver now. I know that getting pissed at all you doesn't solve anything, as I can't ram you with my truck, or force you off the road, or cause you an accident, or anything else. Many of you are, simply, assholes. I've come to expect that I have to live amongst you. There's nothing I can do.

Nonetheless, that realization has been somewhat liberating. I no longer try to stop you from cutting into the through-lane from an exit-only lane -- I just accept it. I'm a lot more forgiving, but only for my own sake. I still think most of you are assholes, and these thoughts are still there, yes. But I don't get quite so upset these days.

Someday I will get the opportunity to witness a crash. It hasn't happened yet, but someday I might. I think about how I'd react. I think about what it would take to pull one of these people out of a burning car, or something like that. Truthfully, I think that I would be more damaging to them that the accident they just caused. I don't think I could contain myself. I'd likely kick the shit out of an already injured asshole, just because, and I wouldn't have any regrets doing so.

It's unfortunate that I think this way, but I cannot help myself. It's who I am. I feel the need to extract revenge against people who routinely fucker away their responsibilities towards others, towards the society they live in.

It's the bully in high school. It's the same thing as being a harassed kid hoping that something bad would befall the bully. Watching a bully (or bad driver) take his lumps would be completely satisfying. I think this is nothing more than human nature, at least for those of us who normally respect others.

I was able to weave in between a quarter mile of stacked up traffic on S Street this afternoon and it felt good...it always feels good because I know what I'm avoiding by not driving my vehicular unit. Along with getting a workout, riding alongside stacked traffic is about as good as it gets. I have no problems with feeling this way, 1) because traffic isn't normally stalled, 2) if I were driving I'd be contributing to everyone else's traffic as there would be one more car on the road, and 3) I have an intrinsic hatred toward extreme auto dependency.

This makes me want to get on the bike each morning, with a hangover, with sore quads, when I'm cold, when it's drizzling, whatever.