EBT

I look at all the people around me; co-workers, family, friends of family...and I am amazed and shocked to find out how many are either on social security disability, trying to apply for social security disability, or are on food stamps. There are a lot. I finally figured out what EBT was two months ago -- the electronic equivalent of food stamps.

Electronic Benefits Transfer is an apt name -- transferring wealth from people who work to people who don't want to work. I say this without remorse because everyone, everyone! around me who has an EBT card is fully capable of working but, for one reason or another, they don't work...recession or not. This is my observation of a small sample and I'm going to paint with a broad brush and suggest that of the 1 in 9 Merikans receiving EBT, 50% of them don't need it. They simply have no personal responsibility. These are capable people but are lazy as fuck.

Instead of EBT -- how about we simply sell these (1/9th of 310,000,000) 34 million Americans hunger insurance? Make hunger insurance mandatory for all Americans so the premiums from the well-fed will pay the claims made by these 34 million. Don't tell me this is any different from the bullshit we have now; however, there isn't a whole private industry making billions in profits from the hungry...and there should be. This is America, goddamn it! We reserve the right to sell people's basic needs for profit.

"If you like your existing private hunger insurance policy, you won't have to change!" -- The President of the US of A.

Hunger default swaps? You buy a HDS and the hunger insurance company pays you to take the risk of someone who's making their premium payments, but you have to pay if they go hungry.

Of course there will be all sorts of fantastic products -- you could buy an accidental hunger plan for very low premiums, to cover, say, the loss of food due to a truck wreck or a combine harvester accident. But not if you lose your job; that's not covered under a catastrophic plan. Insurance companies might only offer hunger insurance to employers, seeing how group hunger is more profitable. Of course, with job based hunger insurance, the pooled hunger risk is lower (they're employed, duh) so the group savings can be passed on! Lower premiums with your employer based hunger insurance than if you were to buy your own individual policy!

You can (obviously) buy term hunger or whole life hunger, but if you have the means, why not upgrade? That way, if you do file a claim, you will have access to the choicest meats, imported cheeses, and finest Bordeaux (alcohol isn't covered under the government option). You're wealthy enough, why settle for what every other claimant is eating? This is the PPO option instead of the HMO (Hunger Maintenance Organization) option.

In townhalls across America, Republican senior citizens are throwing tantrums saying "Keep your damn government hands off my HungerCare!" "No socialized hunger!" "No food for the illegals!" In backroom lobbying the blue dog Democrats aren't supporting hunger insurance reform. The single feeder option is now off the table to try to sway their vote.

Doesn't sound so far fetched, now, does it?