I Am Global Warming

I fought my way to work and back on the bicycle today against two wrong way riders, a small truck driver who told me to get out of the road as I was entering the left hand turn lane at 59th, 16 mph headwinds and concomitant allergens, a good dousing in the morning soaking the equipment, and a left testicle whose incision following surgery has opened up, is oozing, and is extremely painful just sitting here, let alone straddling the saddle.

What a miserable ride...but I did it anyway. I have to lose some weight. I have to get prepared for the Eppie's Great Race in July, and another run beforehand. I am struggling...

I didn't ride to save gasoline today. No way. Do you really think that saving five measly bucks is worth all this? The risks from bad drivers and wrong way cyclists and lung disease? This is exactly why 99.934% of Elk Grovians drive or have to be driven to work.

I'm pretty sure I'm the real cause of Global Warming by riding my bicycle. Yep. I'm a constant, visible reminder to thousands of you Elk Grovians as you drive past me on Franklin Blvd. just how shitty it'd really be if you weren't burning those twenty one million barrels of oil each day, if you didn't have your two point five cars to get you around. You look at me, thinking "glad I ain't him," and drive just a little bit faster.

I can see it now -- you're fidgeting uncomfortably at the Valero pump station at Franklin and Meadowgate, wondering if you should stop at $65 or if you should accept the possibility of overdrafting and just fill up the tank on your minivan. You see me bicycle by into that headwind. "Glad I ain't him," you mutter to yourself, as you squeeze that handle just a little bit tighter -- "fill 'er up...fill 'er up."

I Am Global Warming.