Elk Grove Terrorists

I most certainly spend the better part of my time on-line blogging about the suburban slum that my Elk Grove has become, but I have to concede that Elk Grove does offer one very significant benefit -- it will never be the location of a terrorist activity.

I am never going to have to worry about some female terrorist blowing herself up on my E-Tran bus. I won't have to worry about any hostage situation on my light rail. There will never be sarin gas on my light rail car, anthrax in my water supply, or any electromagnetic pulse or nuclear detonation over Old Town Elk Grove. No dirty bomb will ever be detonated over North Laguna Creek.

No. These actions are reserved by terrorists for places that US citizens care about, and Elk Grove is most decidedly not on that list. Elk Grove has become a city not worth caring about, and therefore, not worth terrorizing either.

So while the city itself will turn into a suburban slum when it gets older, like Del Paso Heights, Valley Hi, Rosemont, and vast swaths of Carmichael, Rancho Cordova, Florin-Perkins, and Strawberry Manor, it will never have to worry about some religious or political radicals from seeking their virgins, martyrdom, or immortality here. Nope, they won't do it in Elk Grove. Domestic meatheads, on the other hand, are capable of just about anything, but then again, our cities are full of them.

The places most valuable, most worth living in, are also the most targeted. So Elk Grove wins some points for safety...wa-hey!

While we spend trillions (two endless foreign wars, body scanners, counterterrorist departments homeland security, classified activities, etc.) to save a few thousand lives at the hands of "terrorists who hate us" and to make white people feel safer, Elk Grovians will sooner die at the hands of other Elk Grovians who are really bad drivers. Two hundred and seventy nine of us will die in a car wreck on our own streets for every one death from a terrorist attack. The truth is, our own shitty drivers, enabled by our own shitty suburban designs, are the real terrorists.