God Bless The T.S.A.

I earlier recounted the case of a TSA worker slipping in a baggie of white powder into a woman's bag prior to "the inspection," only to claim it's a joke -- a practical joke. Although a marginal case, this highlights the lunacy of airport security and how this whole security theater is only played out to make white people feel safe.

I just happened to fly on September 11, 2002 on American Airlines from Sacramento to Dallas, for a conference on standards for the electric power industry. Even I was a bit cautious, as I had gone to the Folsom Blvd. flea market the week before and found a copy of George Smith's Atheism: The Case Against God. I carried this aboard that flight, but I used a brown paper bag slip cover over it.

Why did I do that? I don't know. I am never one to bring attention to myself. I thought it was prudent to cover the book as I didn't need some Bible-Belter from Lawton to get the wrong idea and freak out to the attendants that some guy, sitting in the window seat all by his lonesome, had a book deemed as contraband to 95% of the population on the anniversary of the terrorist attacks.

Today, I wouldn't hardly concern myself. Today, I'd welcome the attention and see just how far I could push the system. I mean, a kid with a fresh haircut who looks different from his license photo is today considered a possible "radicalized" suspect. If a haircut and Arabic/English flash cards are enough to cuff a student for an hour, imagine the response a 40-year-old loner like myself, boarding a plane with a book on atheism, would illicit.

Indeed, the TSA earlier assumed I was a threat with my 4,5 and 6 mm hex wrenches and bicycle chain tool. For shits and giggles, I will next time bring aboard some Arabic flash cards alongside an old set of hex wrenches (which, if under 7", are perfectly legal.) These flash cards will have the English translations for hotel, please, thank you, bread, water, taxi, water closet...and of course jihad, infidel, fatwa, ayatollah, and Sharia. I will shave my goat, save for the moustache, and be cleanly shaven atop. My copy of Atheism will be displayed. I usually travel without checked baggage anyway. I will let my insulin infusion sets dangle out of my backpack -- nothing like a little dangling loose tubing. I get awfully cold on board, so a thick, oversized XXXL wool sweater will feel good. Three ounces each of hummus and baba ganoujj -- hey, I like 'em.

Of course, if I end up pissing off exactly the wrong TSA representative, he might just sneak in some incriminating evidence into my carry-on...just a practical joke.